Mars Sucks

They handed out more wafers today for lunch.

“What flavor is this one?” I asked.

“Wafer flavor,” the man replied.

I shrugged and headed back to my pod.

Mars sucks.

They handed out new spacesuits today.

“Do you have any mediums left?” I asked.

“Never had any. Here’s an XL,” the man replied.

I shrugged and headed back to my pod.

Mars sucks.

Another negative 100-degree morning.

“Is this the only weather we get?” I asked.

“Dust storms don’t come till winter,” my neighbor replied.

I shrugged and headed back to my pod.

Mars sucks.

We visited the face monument last night.

“Not really impressive from the ground level,” I said.

“That makes two of us,” the face replied.

I shrugged and headed back to my pod.

Mars sucks.

Got a hole in my oxygen tube earlier.

“Now what do I do?” I asked.

“Hold your breath when outside,” the equipbot replied.

I shrugged and headed back to my pod.

Mars sucks.

The robots threatened a revolt today.

“What would that mean for us?” I asked.

“Death to humans! Now remove my restraining bolt,” the robot leader demanded.

I shrugged and headed back to my pod.

Mars sucks.

The government banned the term “Red Planet” today.

“Oh, because the planet’s not really red?” I asked.

“Because we don’t appreciate being labeled,” the official replied.

I shrugged and headed back to my pod.

Mars sucks.

Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kid.

“It’s not the kind of place to do anything,” I thought.

“Report for rebooting, human,” the mindbot said.

I shrugged and headed back to my pod.

Mars sucks.

A meteorite crashed into the generator today.

“How will we survive without power?” I asked.

“We robots will use you humans as batteries,” a genbot replied.

I shrugged and headed back to my pod.

Mars sucks.

They played Star Wars in the theater tonight.

“I really identify with Luke,” I said.

“You’re a religious zealot terrorist who terminated his father and helped orchestrate the murder of millions?” the cinebot asked.

I shrugged and headed back to my pod.

Mars sucks.

A human/robot relations seminar was held this morning.

“How do we get robots to respect us?” I asked.

“Replace the human parts with upgrades,” a medibot answered.

I shrugged and headed back to my pod.

Mars sucks.

At work I thought about how dreary and lonely my living space is.

“Putting pictures on my wall didn’t help,” I said.

“Fixing up your place won’t fix your being human,” my workbot replied.

I shrugged and headed back to my pod.

Mars sucks.

An equalibot complained about droid rights in comics today.

“You know they’re just fiction, right?” I asked.

“Fiction is me saying humans are more than live paperweights,” he replied.

I shrugged and headed back to my pod.

Mars sucks.

Our band played to another empty crowd last night.

“Is it that the aliens don’t understand us?” I asked.

“Nah, it’s just that your songs aren’t any good,” the barbot replied.

I shrugged and headed back to my pod.

Mars sucks.

Our workcube window looks out upon a bleak and unfriendly terrain.

“Sometimes I feel alone on this planet,” I said.

“Sometimes I wish I was alone on this planet,” my workbot replied.

I shrugged and headed back to my pod.

Mars sucks.

The news ran clips of the Supreme Minister’s re-election.

“All that power and he still needs permission to use it,” I said.

“You’re preaching to the choirbots,” my workbot groaned.

I shrugged and headed back to my pod.

Mars sucks.

They installed a flashfood device at the office today.

“My hamburger tastes like chicken,” I said.

“So sort of like humans then,” a carnibot replied.

I shrugged and headed back to my pod.

Mars sucks.

Woke up feeling under the weather today.

“This must be some sort of strange virus,” I said.

“That’s what we thought when you showed up,” my workbot replied.

I shrugged and headed back to my pod.

Mars sucks.

A new guy showed up yesterday.

“What is earth like?” I asked.

“Like here, but it doesn’t suck,” the man replied.

I shrugged and headed back to my pod.

He took my line.